How to follow?

I began a class last week. We practice contemplative/meditative prayer each day. Working toward discerning God’s will in our lives. I am sure learning how to let go of our own agenda is certainly a first step. There would be little point in hearing if we were unwilling to trust what we have heard. But how does one accept God’s will? Isaac taking his son up the mountain to sacrifice…………. I am quite certain that if I heard such a request, I would not understand it as from God. As it is not bringing new life or love or joy or at least compassionate understanding into the world, I would reject the thought as the evil in me. Yet, mothers do so often let go of their children because God has plans that are not our own.

I list children first because I think as a mother, that is what I find the loss of them hardest to imagine that I could surrender to God’s will. But there accepting God’s will that brings pain to the other. Abraham knew what he was doing was what God asked. Sarah though, her suffering would have been quite unbearable. Isaac her only son. Offered up by her husband, the boys own father…..

Jesus’s mother Mary heard from the Lord, and agreed to have a child knowing that Joseph would not deal well with the idea. The struggle with doing God’s will and not disrupting life with those who trust you is difficult. Joseph had a dream that indeed Mary was being honest and that he was called to walk with her through the life of the child. Then Mary had to continually trust the guidance the Lord brought to Joseph. Go to Egypt, return from Egypt, and other moments. Mary had to trust that he was indeed doing the right thing (or perhaps she had her own dreams of confirmation).

It is a really hard thing to trust that what they are hearing is a call to action from the Lord. The first time you went along with “God said” you are opening the door to the possibility that they could abuse this trust. Especially since God does not promise a good outcome to all things. The next time they wanted something you were deeply set against, you will be faced with the possibility that they could use the “God Said!” card. How do you trust another?

As one who has be working to sit and wait for the Lord to move me to do HIs will, I have had times I’ve been called to do things that others thought was very wrong. And yet, I knew I was asked. The outcome was not what I wanted or expected. Yet, I was clearly asked! Since I am single, I don’t have a spouse I am dragging along through questionable adventures. However, it is these adventures that provide major growth. Because it is very hard knowing you did what was to be done without the outcome being anything positive. It is shameful and embarrassing! The lesson has been to live with the not knowing why. Not understanding the way the Lord in his providential way has a larger picture that required something within the offering of my actions to His will. I can only walk, I cannot judge.

The endless loop of accepting those difficult things that happen throughout life or the difficulty of walking in trust with the Lord through unhappy experiences. ALWAYS KEEPING IN MIND: GOD’S WILL IS ENOUGH!

My Father

He has always believed in me.
     Expecting more than I could see.
He has always provided so much.
     Setting goals I reached high to touch.
He is not one for hugs and kisses.
    But the love in his smile one never misses.
I am courageous and strong.
     Because he works hard days and long.
I am laughing and caring.
    Because amusing humor he is endlessly sharing.
I am often terribly stubborn.
     A trait from dad I must have learned.
As my heavenly father gave me spirit and life,
     My earthly father also shared in my strife.
As my heavenly father unconditionally does,
     My earthly father also loves.
As my heavenly father shall never depart,
    My earthly father ever remains in my heart.

In My Own Little Corner

In the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical Cinderella, there is a song “In My Own Little Corner”. Cinderella goes there to escape from her struggles and strife. Life for her is not easy and in her refuge, she finds hope and inspiration. Freedom perhaps to become that for which she was created.

            I also have a place I go early in the morning. My own chair in my home. Turning on the lamp, creating a small space within the greater darkness. A glow of light in which I am surrounded, sheltered.  Able to find hope and inspiration as well by picking up the book. So many words being spoken to me. Today I hear, “I have called you by name, you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1

            Through faith and trust in absolute goodness, I imagine myself running. So happy I raise my arms as I approach Him. He calls out, “Arise, my darling; My beautiful one, come away with me!” Song of Songs 2:10.  He carries me into goodness so bright “the light becomes night around me.” Psalm 139:11. Blinded, I am just held in the strength of a healing and loving embrace. A life-giving force flows through my being; permeates every cell.

            Looks of worship from human princes and dancing at balls in glass slippers doesn’t even compare. Though I have no words for the Kingdom of God it is grander than we are capable of knowing with our senses. It is here, with us, in us. A realm hidden; the ruler of which will welcome you as the beautiful gracious Princess you are. Knowing you are loved and treasured gives one so much confidence, facing this world is a bit easier.

            My refuge, your refuge, exists. Always with you in your “own little corner, in [your] own little chair.” You just have to stop, open your heart, call out and soar. Fly away into the arms of freedom!

My Dove, My Beautiful One                     
By James Joyce
My dove, my beautiful one, 
Arise, arise! 
The night-dew lies 
Upon my lips and eyes. 

The odorous winds are weaving 
A music of sighs: 
Arise, arise, 
My dove, my beautiful one! 

I wait by the cedar tree, 
My sister, my love, 
White breast of the dove, 
My breast shall be your bed. 

The pale dew lies 
Like a veil on my head. 
My fair one, my fair dove, 
Arise, arise!

The Palm of His Hands

Constant search for peace; can find none.
Existence bare of everything, 
only consciousness within the night.
The silence unveils enormous resting hands.
Only the hands, the huge unknown Being lost to shadow.
Calmly, patiently, lying there open
palm turned upward, stillness beckoning, come.
Exhausted, lost, in want of rest.
Choosing to accept the opportunity, 
bravely approaching loving presence.
Within the gentle folds, steps to climb.
Finally......... a safe place to rest.
Curling up in the loving palm as a babe in its mother’s womb,
It is here one can know peace and begin to heal.